Sunday, 23 September 2007

Doing it My Way

The late, great Wally Green used to say 'the cliche is the last refuge of the scoundrel'. As a young cub reporter on the Stockport Herald, I never fully appreciated his wise words at the time.

It's too easy to dismiss the wisdom of the elderly as just so much piffle. Of course, now that I've reached that point in life where I too am eligible for the substantial discounts on stairlifts offered by adverts in SAGA magazine, I can see the value of listening to the older generation. Theirs is a wisdom born of experience.

Sometimes, however, a cliche is all there is to hold onto. When Frank Sinatra sang that glorious refrain about Love and Marriage going together like a Horse and Carriage, I wonder if he stopped to think how true his words were? Over the last few weeks, I've had more than a little time to contemplate Frank's philosophy of life, as my long marriage to Mrs Blunt has unwound itself and I now find myself single again. Who was the horse, and who the carriage, in our relationship, I've wondered?

I've made a few decisions, too. There's nothing to hold me in Oldham, now, particularly given the rather disappointing performance of the town's so-called football team. The world is my oyster!

Now, late in life, I'm faced with a blank canvas. Young Jasper has suggested a long holiday, somewhere on Caucasus. "Pa," he said, "within a couple of days you'll have picked up a thirty year old blonde and the world will seem a sweeter place."

For once, I'm not taking his advice. My good pal, Tommy Hamburger, has offered to take me off to Bergerac again, and it's an offer I'm seriously considering. A snake has taken up residence in the compost bin there, by all accounts, and a party needs to be dispatched to err... dispatch it.
Any tips on snake killing that my readers may care to share would be most welcome.

Taking views from a wider circle of family and friends, I've decided to move back to the Wirral, where some of my fondest memories were forged during my days at the Birkenhead Beagle, and where Tranmere Rovers are at least putting up a reasonably decent fist of trying to make it into the Premier League.

I must admit I'm growing fonder, too, of my own company. Mrs Blunt's departure from the marital home has brought with it a more relaxed regime at Blunt Mansions. The constant drone of television has been stilled, and in its place the soothing tones of BBC Radio 3 and 4 have formed a more harmonious backdrop to my life. I've realised, too, that my endless hours spent trawling the internet was actually an escape from the reality of life with a woman whose idea of entertainment was to watch endless re-runs of The High Chaparral, The Waltons and Last of The Summer Wine, so that my life had come to feel like one long (and painful) Sunday afternoon.

So, as a new chapter in my life beckons, I leave you with this thought. It is better to have loved and lost - particularly if your wife was a High Chaparral fan.


Daddy Papersurfer said...

I am so glad you have found somewhere to plug in your instrument of communication Mr Blunt.
Your reference to the older generation being placed so close to the Saga magazine is appropriate and appreciated.
Now don't make any hasty decisions but don't hang about either - yes, I think that just about sums up my wisdom.

70steen said...

Tips on snake removal ..... get someone else to do it !!

Glad you are settling in with your own company. There is something to be said for some peace and quiet. Wehn my teen is not here the TV never goes on then as soon as she walks through the door ... bang on it goes.
Good luck Bill
p.s. I can't believe you didn't take Jaspers advice ;-)

Sugar Queens Dream said...

I'm ever so glad to finally hear from you! Your wonderful voice here in the Blogosphere is to great to be silenced by the nasty setting in which you have had to remain. I am glad you are settling in to bachelorhood easily and your able to make some sound decisions....
Good luck on the move...
Regards, Sugar queen

Mystic Veg said...

Tranmere Rovers!!!!!!!!

Julian Syngen-Smythe said...

The whole world is your oyster, now Bill - go and find some pearls!



Theresa111 said...

LIME gets rid of snakes. It chokes them and they will move out and off of the property. (You do not have to kill it, it's a big world.) I was told this once by the owner of FRANK'S Garden Center, down the road. Ask your friendly garden shop manager for their recommendation. My BIL told me when you put down the seed and fertilizer, to add a portion of LIME Sulfate(?) and using a disperser, put it all over the grass. Should you have a hole, there is a potion, water and Lime, and you pour some, not much, into the hole and because of the fumes, anything residing there will vacate the premesis. (FAST) That is all I know ... about this subject.

Mystic Veg said...

Play the snake a Tranmere Rovers video

Shinade said...

I have something for you...please drop by when you have time and pick it up. I am so thrilled that you are back:))))))~Jackie

sylvie d said...

Bill, follow your friend to Bergerac, I have the perfect match for you...she is french of course ;-)
Actually I have two, but that one is in Paris...less convenient that Angouleme...these were my thoughts!
Welcome back!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

I had no idea Sylvie was a Madame.

Bill Blunt said...

Thank you so much, Shinade and sugarqueen, for your kind words.

daddypapersurfer - you are my sage and shamen at one and the same time.

Sylvie - I am checking the Ryanair flight schedules even as I write. I hope your friend is the kind of woman who appreciates an experienced, older man, as I have Daddypapersurfer's number to hand if she wants it.

70steen - I always left any snake handling to Mrs Blunt. Now that I am alone I am reluctant to think of touching such a thing myself. Theresa's right, though - I always found half a dozen lager and limes managed to make any unwelcome snakes disappear.

mystic veg - please don't worry. I haven't foresaken the Latics entirely. When I feel the need for a breeze up my trouser legs, I'll be back at Boundary Park.

julian - you old roue, you! Your dissertation on The Pearl was always a favourite in the Blunt household.

Crofty said...

I, for one, would be very choosy about who I allowed to handle my snake.

I have to say I'm with 70's Teen on the 'quiet in the house' thing - if I never see or hear another episode of Friends, Scubs or Ugly Betty again it will be too soon. I wouldn't mind but I used to enjoy some of them. It just shows.

I don't blame you for looking beyond the Oldham boundaries; I presume you haven't looked in to The Upsteps - the Oldham Wetherspoons- if you had it would leave you in no doubt about the wisdom of forsaking the place.

misterwoppit said...

Ironically, I occasionally scour the internet for High Chapperal clips.

Funny old world.

70steen said...

ok Bill you have away far too long now...... have you discovered 1. your sexuality 2. a virgin 3. Saga is the place to hang out 4. That the snake is too much to handle

Come back Bill all is forgiven :-)

Miss Trashahassee said...

Peep peep peep!

sylvie d said...

Do come back...

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