Getting On With Life

Separation... divorce ... the break-up of a family. It's never as 'amicable' as some people would like you to think.

I don't wish to rehearse the circumstances that led to the breakdown of my marriage to Mrs Blunt. It isn't really of any interest to my readers to know that, after almost three decades with a woman who (single-handedly) helped Scottish & Newcastle Breweries to achieve one of the healthiest profit ratios of any UK listed company, our relationship foundered (or should that be floundered?) on the rocks when she fell into the arms of an erstwhile fishmonger from Ipswich. That's too much information for anyone to have to digest. Even with a side helping of chips.

I thought I had put all this behind me. Then, my eldest son (Justin) furnished me with the latest 'stats' from my blog. I was expecting them to make grim reading - after all, why would anyone bother checking in on a blog that seems to be updated only when the moon's blue? But I wasn't prepared for his findings.

'Pa!' he exclaimed. 'Take a look at this!' Did I detect a note of relish in his voice, as he showed me how my site had been 'chanced upon' via Google searches - courtesy of Statcounter.com?


As you can see - quite clearly - someone, somewhere, is trying to get in touch with Enid! I know it can't be the fishmonger - he's supposed to be with her now, as they enjoy their place (or should that be 'plaice'?) in Norfolk. So, what's going on?

Take a look at that entry for 29 November - mid-morning.

Call me an investigative journalist if you must, but I can't help feeling that a search via Google for a divorce club in Ipswich, so swiftly followed two days later by a hunt for Mrs Blunt's e-mail address tells a story all of its own. What if Mrs B and the fishmonger have fallen apart? I always thought that mackerel and Mackesons weren't the best table-mates.

Just as I thought I had got over her, her spectre comes back to haunt me. If you're out there, Enid... I'm still here for you! Whatever you've heard, or read about my life since you left, it isn't true. You know where I am, if you ever want to come back. And I promise you - faithfully - I will NEVER make disparaging comments about your size ever again.

Now there's a mystery...

Young Justin couldn't wait to tell me the outcome of his latest analysis of my stats. This time, he turned his attention to Fuel My Blog, where my blog appears to have been making a significant advance up their Top 100 Rankings.

His news was mixed, however. On the one hand, he noted that I had now entered the Top 20, and occupy the No 16 spot. On the other, when he unpicked the figures further he found an alarming mystery...

"Pa," he said (in what might be construed by someone who didn't know him as a rather snide way) "you won't believe this - but you get more votes on the days you don't post than on those you do."

I didn't believe him, of course, until he showed me the closely-tabulated report he'd prepared. And it seems it's true. My distinctive voice garners more support when it is quiet.

I'm not sure what lessons to draw from this exercise, except that my readers must prefer quality to quantity.

Anyway, I'm very grateful to the bods over at Fuel My Blog for making sure that I was randomly selected to receive an Amazon Gift Voucher after I entered their recent survey competition. Just as I'm grateful for every one of you who has assiduously voted for my blog, propelling it up the rankings at such a pace.

Kevin Dixie, who is one part of the dynamic team who run FMB, is scratching his head at the moment trying to come up with a fair way of assessing the popularity of blogs.

He's currently running a poll, which you might wish to participate in (after you've voted for Bill, if you are so inclined). Unlike my good friend, Tommy Hamburger, I have never been a man who preened and flattered himself, or sought to ingratiate myself with my blog readers in a craven attempt to court popularity. I leave that to the so-called 'authors' of this world. I'm just a simple hack journalist, carving out my own niche in the blogosphere. Where I am rapidly learning that less, for once, is more.

Shoe-ly Not!

I am sure that readers of my blog will be as surprised as I was to learn that there are people in the world who spend their time worrying about Tony Blair's shoe size.

I only know this because of assiduous work by young Jasper Blunt, who has tonight furnished me with his latest report on how my blog is faring in attracting readers.

It makes intriguing reading, I can tell you. Fully 25 % of recent readers stopped by when they searched for information about Durham Miners' Gala. That's fair enough - and, I imagine, one or two more may drop by before next Saturday's 'Big Meeting', as it is euphemistically called.


I'm not sure what to make of the French visitors who were using the power of Google to discover what they could about 'enemas blunt' - and I, for one (on a Sunday night, at least) wouldn't want to pry much further.

It's certainly been a while since the Walthamstow Dog Track Statistics people popped by, however, even if my expertise on the Prolectrix MP3 Player continues to be recognised the world over.

Jasper still seems to think it's something to do with how my posts are being labelled by Tommy Hamburger - so I'll have to have words with him when I next see him. Personally, I just think it's a case of 'talent will out'. I can't, though, pretend I'm not flattered to be the first port of call for people curious about our ex-Prime Minister's shoe size. Who wouldn't be?

To be noticed is a wonder

Young Jasper was at it again, with another of his almost-legendary reports, yesterday. While his brother watched Eurovision, he was hunched over his PC checking for any and all references to Bill Blunt out there on the net.

Well, the news is good. The weekend controversy over my forum ban drew a record 259 pageloads from 129 unique visitors. Perhaps that's why the prestigious World Blog Council is currently 'considering' my application for membership of their august organisation?

Similarly, although I have yet to receive it, Jasper tells me I was awarded an Awardie a few weeks ago.

He muttered something about 'vanity publishing' when he threw his report at me in disgust. It's a brave son who accuses his father of being vain, so I'm glad he only muttered it.

The Searchers

I've had a report in from Jasper about How People Find Your Blog. I thought, at first, he'd been asking my readers for their opinions about the blog, which would have been interesting.



Instead, he presented me with a statistical digest, culled from something called Statcounter, which made interesting (and sometimes frankly bizarre) reading.

According to Jasper, my humble blog comes out at No 1 on Google for people who search for stats for walthamstow dogs. I know I mentioned Walthamstow Dog Track on an earlier posting, and I am sure I must have used the word 'stats' here and there since I made my debut on the blogosphere all those weeks ago. But it left me wondering whether the poor visitor who chanced upon my blog after his (or her) Google search really imagines that I am the world's foremost authority on dog racing statistics for the north east London venue?

More alarmingly, I discovered that I am ranked at No 2 on Google for a search on Oldham prostitution - this, apparently, on the basis of some comment or other I made about a Waterloo Street massage parlour I was vaguely aware of some thirty-odd years ago.

I was less surprised to learn that I am a world expert on the prolectrix 1gb mp3 player, (at least according to the Romanians) and I hope whoever visited the blog to find out my views on it were satisfied with my opinion.

As I read more of the details, I will let you know of any other surprises in the small print. Until then, I can only offer my apologies to those who have come to read my thoughts thinking, perhaps, that I am some sort of guru on dog racing, tarts and mp3 players.