The Green, Green Grass of Home

Yesterday was one of those glorious, spring days that make you glad to be alive. Birds singing in the trees, every last cliche present and correct.

Why was it, then that I had to spend almost three hours labouring mightily with a lawn-mower, giving the frontage here at Blunt Mansions its first once-over of the year? Mowing the lawn for the first time in ages is like making love to Mrs Blunt. It's easy to forget just what a soul-destroying experience it can be. At least I enjoyed the apres-mow cigarette, which is something, I suppose.

It seems that the lawn is a British icon. The gruelling experience yesterday has prompted me to pen Bill Blunt's Top 5 Tips For Looking After Your Lawn. I present them here for your consideration:

1) Pave it over
2) Let it grow into a wild meadow
3) Ask your friendly, neighbourhood US armed forces division to gently napalm it
4) Paint it with a thick, gloss paint
5) Allow it to be used as a mini venue for local off-roaders

I'm heading towards number one at the moment.