Saturday, 7 April 2007

In Praise of the Tunnock

In an age when nostlagia suddenly seems a thing of the past, it's always pleasant to chance upon a product which hasn't succumbed to the twin evils of advertising and spin.

Step forward, then, the Tunnock's Caramel Wafer. This honest-to-goodness biscuit has always known where it was at - has never sought the limelight, but has, instead, soldiered on until it has captured the hearts (and palates) of a new generation.

This wonderful confection of glucose syrup, sugar, sweetened condensed milk, invert glucose syrup, vegetable oil, flavour, emulsifier, soya lecithin, cocoa solid, milk solids, vegetable fat, yet more soya lecithin and flavouring, wheat flour, sodium bicarbonate and salt is enough to bring colour to the cheeks of even the most anaemic schoolboy - as it's logo proves only too well.

Unlike the Kit-Kat, the Curley-Wurley and countless other sweets, the Tunnock's Caramel Wafer can proudly boast that it is 'Still Original Size' - which, for the record, is about 1 inch wide, 4 inches long and around 3/4 of an inch thick.

What's more, the Tunnock makes the (not easily disprovable) claim that 'More than 4 Million of these biscuits (are) made and sold every week'.

A quick dash to the calculator suggests that, in a typical year, this means that some 208 Million of the little wonders are scoffed - or an average of 3.4 for every man, woman and rosy-cheeked schoolchild in Britain.

I've just done my bit by wolfing down three in the last hour. Don't let Tunnock's down, folks - keep the averages up by making sure you have at least one or two this week.


nursemyra said...

1 inch wide, 4 inches long and 3/4 inch thick is just not enough for nursemyra

Thomas Hamburger Jnr said...

I'd like to reassure you that 'size isn't everything', nursemyra. Unfortunately, I tried that line before, and I know from bitter experience that it doesn't work. But it is relative, thank goodness.

nursemyra said...

maybe you need to send me a Tunnock's Caramel Wafer. It could sweeten the experience of swallowing your line :-)

Crofty said...

All this talk of size...Tunnocks is an institution - and not the sort that Nurse Myra presides over - I'd take a Tunnocks whatever the size.

Thomas Hamburger Jnr said...

Well said, Crofty. I did caution Bill about posting on this subject, as it raises all sorts of emotions. My own fear is that the Eurocrats will soon cotton on to the fact that the Tunnock's Wafer has never gone metric. I have no doubt that when they do, shrinkage will follow as surely as the crow follows the dustcart.