Saturday, 26 May 2007

Not Fade Away

Rather amazingly, I seem to have shrunk over the last couple of months.

For more years than I care to remember, I have fought to squeeze my portly frame into increasingly tight 38-inch trousers, fearing further expansion into even larger sizes might be on the horizon. Catching sight of my body in the mirror became a singularly unedifying experience, except that certain parts of my anatomy were only now visible that way.

Having graduated from small, to medium, to large - and then to extra large, I couldn't help but worry that 'Tory Party Councillor' size was just around the corner.

Then, something quite unexpected happened. Some magic synapse in my brain was triggered that sent me scurrying off to the municipal swimming pool. A weekly hour or so doing a few lengths has now become part of my regular routine.

This week, I found myself wearing (for the first time in more years than I care to reveal) a pair of slim, 32-inch jeans borrowed for the occasion from my son, Jasper.
Result! In addition, I am now able to view my manhood without resort to the wardrobe mirror.

And so, I can commend to you the simple pleasure of the swimming pool. If you suffer from the kind of girth expansion I did, you'll thank me for it.

11 comments:

Andrew Goulding Articles said...

George Michael (see last post) just emailed me and said he's willing to meet the new slim-line Billy in the swimming pool changing rooms, anytime.

ADG

Bill Blunt said...

Now that's an invitation I may just have to pass on, Mr Articles. It's a brave man who accuses Bill Blunt of homophobic tendencies - but if I was gay, I can't think I'd be attracted to anyone who had 'duetted' with Elton John.

Andrew Goulding Articles said...

As Norman Gunston, Australian interviewer was heard to ask:

"What goes on in Elton's John?"

ADG

the domestic minx said...

Slim hipped and gorgeous, almost rock-god like...
Mmmm, I'm thinking Jimmy Page Whole Lotta Love cool...

You need coolin, baby, Im not foolin,
Im gonna send you back to schoolin,
Way down inside honey, you need it,
Im gonna give you my love,
Im gonna give you my love.


Sorry about that, momentary loss of consciousness and the thought of slim, be-buckled rock god hips has me all weak at the knees...

Daddy Papersurfer said...

Weight has never been a problem for me mainly because of the starvation rations the TG keeps me on. I was allowed a piece chocolate last month for which I am truly grateful.I am very glad that you are, once again, svelte.

nursemyra said...

now that you're svelte perhaps you'd like to post a pic of you wearing your budgie smugglers?

Bill Blunt said...

Modesty (and a certain sensitivity to my ratings at Fuel My Blog) forbids me, nursemyra.

Andrew Goulding Articles said...

Budgie?

I've got a cockatoo.

ADG

nursemyra said...

are you posting pics of your cockatoo andrew?

Andrew Goulding Articles said...

Unfortunately, Nurse Myra, my cocky has been put to bed and a flash at this time of night might be mentally scarring.

I can assure you, though, that he's well trained and has been known, at times, to perform the most amazing tricks.

I actually discovered him one evening while on holiday at Iron Knob in South Australia (32°43′S, 137°09′E) when I was about 14...and he's been with me ever since.

ADG

the domestic minx said...

I can't believe I put Jimmy Page when I wanted to say Robert Plant.
Why have I just realized this now?
Why am I even bothering to write this when it is so inconsequential?
Because I am obsessive and compulsive and ridiculously detail oriented.
No one is even reading this now, are they?
So, add foolish and pedantic to the list...